So on the day before the final outfit, I had a hard time deciding what to make, and actually made two outfits. Sick, I know. I ended up only actually wearing one, though I thought I would have a costume change at some point in the day. I think I ended up just liking the romper more. This all led me to think a little bit on the idea of sentimentality inherent to the things that we make. For me, at least, there is a big difference between the weight of an art object made and the weight of a garment made. There is something about the process of making clothing that allows me to forget the process, in a way. A few years ago, I was visiting a college friend in Boston, with whom I had previously worked at the Boston Conservatory Costume Shop with, and who was temporarily working there again at the time of my visit. When we met up, she had been coming from a costume party and was wearing a blue and purple vintage looking dress that looked eerily familiar to me. After a little while, and mention of her raiding the Conservatory stockroom for the evening's attire, I realized that I had, in fact, made the dress while working at the Conservatory, probably four years prior. I immediately needed to see the inside, inspect the seams, judge the quality of my past self's craftsmanship. I have other garments, mostly from undergrad (watch here starting at 5:30 to see the collection that I have no recollection of) that I honestly cannot remember how I engineered them or figured out the construction or fit of. If I were to recreate every piece from that collection, I would have to do it from scratch. I guess that stuff in particular draws blanks because I was scrambling through most of it, not going into much of it with inherent knowledge, but figuring a lot of stuff out as I went. It is weird, because now I think that I am much less present during the making, as my process is a lot more fluid as I rely on my muscle memory and seeded truths to carry me through the project, but I feel as though I have a more distinct memory of the making. I guess we will have to wait a few years to really test this theory though. I may be alone in this experience, but I feel like I have spoken to other makers who also experience this sort of blankness, like you black out sometimes while in the throes of creation. I assume it has to do a little with the flow state and attaining a transcendence through practice, that takes you out of body and places you elsewhere. I wonder if I will recollect any of this project, as achieving that state has been the goal pretty much the entire time. I have been trying to figure out what the difference is when it comes to making art pieces rather than clothing, in terms of the forgetfulness and the relationship I have to these different objects as their maker. I think there is a difference in the responsibility that I feel. Art is more cerebral to me, I guess in terms of it being an idea that I translate into reality. When making art, I feel a purity as creator, as it is less rooted in such commonplace language such as clothing, design, and fashion (it is obviously rooted in art history and plenty of aestheticism, but seems more innate, or perhaps the better word is intuitive). Our relationship with clothing is so different. Art we view, clothes we dance intimately with, worming our body and intertwining our limbs within these soft shells. And then forming a nostalgic bond as the garment travels with us to all of the places we seek to go, whether in our minds or as physical bodies. I always take note when a pair of shoes or a specific bag goes with me on a trip. I always think about this when I buy used clothing as well, thinking about where that garment has been before I have adopted it. I do not have a preference for art or clothing, and at this point I am not even sure if I have a preference for making one over the other. Even though I think the bond we have with clothing should make all art envious, Art can transport us in a much more ephemeral and enigmatic way, I think, sometimes, tapping into a subconsciousness that is not even within this time or space, but refers back to some past or future existence of culture or happenstance that just insists on becoming again or before.
This marrying of the two worlds, clothing and art, that I think on and care deeply about, has been quite satisfying. I actually really like most of the clothing that I made, and the speed at which I was able to construct them and design them, really did make me wonder if I would ever really need to go to a store again. It might be the single most liberating thing I have ever felt.