I knew that this process would be enlightening in many ways, but it continues to surprise me how easily things come to light during the creative process. Today I was having trouble getting started, procrastinating with snacks and poking around the apartment, even taking a "meditational" nap (I wanted a nap but really I just thought while laying with my eyes closed). The problem is that I cannot stop conjuring images and puzzles of patterns and garments, but I also can't figure them out completely until executing them, I am kind of in a constant state of elated agitation... elated because this shit is fun to think about, but also anxious about getting things done. So when I finally did make it into the studio it took several attempts to actually cut into fabric. When I did make my first cuts I immediately started to take risks and react more intuitively to the materials and shapes I was finding. It made me think about releasing the fears we have that breed hesitation and barriers towards progress and completion. There is almost nothing I can do to fuck something up so badly that it cannot be fixed in some way, and even then, I at worst would have to start over! How easily this can be applied to every day... and it brings to light the hesitations that exist subconsciously due to irrational fears. Is it fear of the progress and completion itself? Where does this fear come from? Alone in my studio, what could I possibly be afraid of doing that cannot be remedied? Losing time? What does that even mean? How can something be lost if new knowledge and understanding is gained? Wasting material? Raw material that has no other purpose but to await transformation into something far more interesting and nuanced than pure yardage?
I think the most gratifying part, other than the constant learning I am experiencing, is probably the feeling that I am aiming to restructure the way that clothing is viewed. By abstracting certain geometric elements inherent to everyday garments, and through understanding how these items are built and worn, I am able to create pieces that function very similarly, but are completely different than mass produced clothing. I am only able to enter into this through the knowledge of patternmaking and construction that I do possess, but with this I am able to deconstruct this knowledge to formulate something far more bizarre and genuine.