Today I went out to the Rockaways (which is technically in Queens, not Brooklyn, who knew), actually for the second day in a row and made use of my two bathing suits that I had made last week (pictured below obvs) out of my two favorite fabrics, a wood grain print spandex and a lawn print spandex. Both held up great and I think I actually like them better than most bathing suits I have purchased in a store. I remember doing a swimsuit project in undergrad, of course skewing the project and making it as weird as I could, I opted to make a creature from the black lagoon inspired swimsuit. It is cliche of me to say this, but sometimes I wish that I knew then what I know now, especially technically, in terms of skill, as I would have done so many things differently and I think given the ideas, those pieces could have been outrageous designs if I had better craft back then. Of course that is a typical notion, but I digress. It was great to be out by the ocean for the first time this summer. You forget that there is expanse and space and infinity personified in a viewpoint when you stay in Bushwick most of your days. It was a nice way to ease back into the city after spending a few days upstate in the country, where expanse and space is the norm. The salty, dirtiness of the ocean, and the type of dirt from the country is such a contrast to the dirt of the city. I could eat the dirt of the sea and the country when I think about how repulsive the city dirt is. I want it on my skin and to see the evidence of escape from the filthy sidewalks that are supposed to be paved in gold. I am sounding a bit pessimistic, I suppose because my excursion upstate left me wanting of a life grounded in clean air and space to breathe it. I left the city almost two years ago now, just to come scrambling back, overextending every muscle I had to get back. And now I find myself wanting out again. If I were to move upstate, I would have proximity to the city, but does that count? Can you maintain the relationships and tap into the rolling boil of energy characteristic of New York? I wonder if it is possible to have the best of both worlds. I have spoken about my achilles heel of always finding the grass greener elsewhere, and I am feeling this more now than ever. I wonder if I will ever be able to feel love and contentedness in the moment, wholly and completely.