July 20, 2013 - Apathetic Response.

As I enter into the final third of this journey, I find myself approaching things with a little bit of careful apathy.  I guess it is because I know the system by now and I know what I can achieve in what time, I also know that stressing and caring too much is a moot point.  The futility of trying to control the experience is consuming me and I feel as though I am letting something else take over.  An autopilot that I am simultaneously familiar with and estranged from, creating a weird comfort in the unknowable.  I think about Elizabeth Gilbert's TED talk on the elusive creative genius.  She speaks about the terror of going forward after a big project (in her case a big literary success, but I also have read about artists feeling similar after retrospectives and major events) and feeling pressure to create something as impactful as the successful work.  She talks about the stigma attached to the idea of the genius and how warped this notion has become in modern culture, attributing the concept to an individual possessing some magical power or elevated consciousness within themselves.  But this idea of the genius stemmed from renaissance times and the word actually came from "genie", as in a spirit that visited a mortal being and imparted them with a special knowledge or idea that was theirs for the taking.  In fact the relationship with the genius is not one sided, the genius cannot manifest these concepts without funneling them through the human brain and body.  I love this concept.  Not only does it relieve the pressure of maintaining a certain creative energy as an individual, but it also bring a certain magic to the "aha" moment, which any creative person has experienced.  Not only does it bring magic, but it allows the entire process to take on a higher meaning, it elevates the reasons for participating in bizarre activities and allows them to feel as though they are meaningful towards our understanding of some other dimensional reality.  

Before it gets any weirder than that.... 

July 19, 2013 - shirt

July 19, 2013 - pants

July 19, 2013 - as worn