I feel as though I have been experiencing a lot of guilt as I embark on this project. I guess at any given time I could probably identify something that I feel guilty about, even if it is a small thing, but lately it has been bugging me that it is the emotion that I feel most of the time, especially when it comes to my practice. I think that I feel guilty for taking this time to execute this project. A project, which, on the surface, and in all its most basic structure, could be viewed as self indulgent, which is something I fear terribly. I mean, I hardly work right now, except for some freelance here and there, and I spend all day making clothes for myself. In my heart of hearts I know that this is an important project and I do trust myself fully in this, but there is a nagging voice that has a hard time justifying this absurdity, just because it is in the name of art. I truly do think that everything should be done in the name of art, and by this I mean that every action should be filled with meaning and sincerity, I suppose more that art should be executed in the name of life, but spending all day alone in a room cutting abstract shapes out of fabric for eight days can cause you to digress. I think it is also the futility behind this project that has been making me feel this way as well, the Sisyphean nature of the whole thing. I didn't feel it so much in the beginning because I was leaving the house at least once a day, but there have been a couple of days that I have put on the clothing that I made and never even went into the public with it on. And it is not that I need to show it off, but it definitely accentuates the pointlessness of it, or at least the importance of an audience in a way.
I finished listening (audiobooks in the studio are essential) to Michael Pollan's new book entitled Cooked tonight. I love his work, and this might just be my favorite of his books that I have read thus far. It hit at the heart of so much of what I believe when it comes to food and self reliance and the act of learning new skills through sharing which in turn leads to more learning and sharing. He talks about culture and sociology through not only food itself, but all processes circulating around the production, preparation, and consumption of "cooked" food. It was so wonderful and I suggest it to anyone, as it is not a book about food or about cooking but about humanity and biology and culture. It actually made me feel a lot less guilty about this project, as it emphasizes the reasons that we do certain things against convenience and logic, and that these actions are hardly leisure based, but rather enriching and meaningful acts of grace, generosity, and transcendence. I am not sure that my actions embody these qualities, but it is with that attitude that I believe we should all carry out our daily lives.